How’s Your Cake?

Are you having your cake and eating it too? Or are you enabling someone else to have their cake and eat it at your expense? We live in a world where we say we want a relationship or want to get married yet spend valuable time with people who wont give that to us. They want to spend time with you, have booty calls and get what they want from you (and various others), yet do not, I repeat, DO NOT, want commitment. When does this get old? At 25, 30, 35? I imagine at some point that gets very lonely; to spend time with someone yet have no deep connection. In this scenario I am talking from a female point of view although I know it can work the other way. Now, I can understand a guy (and a girl) being bitter after a marriage or relationship gone bad. I also believe this situation is fine if both parties want that. But I also believe innately that we all crave companionship and meaningful relationships. Good looks fade, sex without meaning gets old and trying to keep track of everyone gets confusing. And in the end it all still leaves you alone. It is not always the guys fault for getting away with this player mentality. I have always been considered a smart girl with a good head on my shoulders. And I consider that to be true today. But, I actually take a big responsibility in enabling this behavior since I allowed it to happen to me. Again and again and again. It doesn’t mean these guys were bad, it just means we did not want the same thing. I want to get married one day. These guys did not. Yet I let them have their way. At my expense. My friends have told me countless times to quit wasting time with guys who are not giving you what you want. But were good friends or we’ve known each other forever or we have so much fun were just a few of my responses. Maybe I just believed I couldn’t get what I wanted. Moving to the present I have watched a good friend of mine over the last year or so practice what she preaches and I will tell you that all of her dreams have come true. Of course there were obstacles, peaks and valleys, but the fact remains that they both wanted the same thing. They didn’t know if it would be with each other until they gave it a chance and worked at it, but turns out its a happy ending. Or should I say beginning. I am happy to see their wedding and a baby on the horizon. In a nutshell I guess its true that we can get what we want. We just have to stay focused on what it is that we actually want. With that said, I, and I hope you as well, will focus on what you want and don’t settle. Let them have their cake without you. You dont need it anyway, its bad for your health.